My Analysis of Her

There's one thing to regret the past and face forward, hard with changes of decision, heart and perspective. But then there's another option where one's pride of the past infiltrates their ability to correct their mistakes, in result this one person pretends all is well, when of course, nothing has been erased. Now, I love this girl dearly and just like everybody else in this world including myself, she isn't perfect, I know, but just like many others she's a proud bitch* when it comes to what she's "accomplished". Her many crazy stories of going to Kanye West, Ratatat and Girl Talk concerts tripping on acid, and smoking pot with strange homeless men have , have, yes, provided distastefully delicious insight but-- wait a minute-- are fucking dangerous and downright bat shit. There's no one more I dislike in this world, besides those inside the workings of the Bush administration, gangsters, boneless murders and clowns, than a name-dropper or in this case an event-dropper. I mean when you're walking down the road with her mother/my aunt whom I know not particularly well, just a few strides behind, why would you think now is the best time to display such information? Such information being; smoking pot with a completely homeless and completely random stranger. Awesome. Wow, I want be just like you (as bitterly sarcastic as I can possibly muster). So she claims to have given partying as much as she used to, meaning she stopped abusing ADD medications. She claims to have gotten back on her school work and claims to have changes everything, except for her addiction to cigarettes. She still smokes them as many chances as she can get. Maybe it's her way of getting away from the family, maybe she hates us. I don't want to sound cocky or self-absorbed, but I don't really think that's the case. My dad thinks it's just a phase, but a phase that slowly kills herself? When she finally showed her mother her wrists from eighth grade, they both cried, as I'm sure she had been crying after every pressing drag over her angelic skin. How's is this any different, besides the fact that we're all watching her or turning our heads as she walks behind the house or shed to light up another? How is it any different? Instead of a blade, nicotine, tar and all those other toxins a 2 millisecond google search can define. Her kid brother still repeats everything she says. Even if it isn't a joke. He still attempts to be as cool as she. Her dad who misses her after a separation of a max of ten hours, and who lights up every time his sparkling daughter enters his realm. Her mom who gets the ignored while she lights up, though who probably flinches or whose essence of life ebbs away just a single pulsation each time her child's lighter sparks. I'm going to be predictable and say that no one deserves such despicable treatment. No matter how good a gift you gave them each on Christmas; no matter how well you tidied your room that Saturday; no matter how hard you worked on your definitions essay; no matter any mild chore or routine you've built in to your schedule to accomidate their domestic needs. Nothing is good enough to counteract such suicide.

My wish

MY wish to find the parts in people that anger them, so I can feel happy. Yes utter happiness to me means that I am just like everyone else.

"Power shot"

Upon receiving an Annie Leibowitz book delighted with details of her inspirations, expectations and, of course, most beloved works, I have grown to realize what I want to spend at least half my life doing. And that is to discover, illuminate, and encapsulate the world around me through a lens. I believe at one point at the end of this escavade, I will grow tired of living through a tunnel and want to see things through my own eyes, not a machines', but for now, I plan on living through a lens. I feel like I've seen too much without a camera. Too much without documentation. It really is a bad habbit, you know, not strapping on a camera onto my back, hip or simply clutching it with a hand. Anything can possibly occur, or I could see something worth a snap. So why not carry around such an investment? But don't all do this. I am casually despensing this tid-bit of information just to tell you my plans. Plans, I am sure no one really cares about, but that is to me the best part; having a say in something that only matters to me. I am powerful.

Merry Christmas Eve, world. yeah, I would normally be one of those non-dominational people, but honestly, I am really excited and what else is happening tomorrow? besides us finally getting a crappy tree that we may not even keep for more than three days, or is another godawful rap video coming out tomorrow? I don't think so. I think that it will be the Eve of which I will give my sister, brother, mother, and dad their gifts, and it will have nothing to do with Jesus, because no one could really know when that damn child was born. All I know is, that people are depressed in the winter time because there is "like" NO SUN, ever! So when else would there be a huge, happy, colorful, soulful, giving, receiving holiday like Christmas. peace and love~ ivy

With words read to me, I feel sensational. just listen

With words read to me, I feel sensational. just listen

So many Questions

IF the earth is supposed to collapse into itself and then completely repeat what it had done before, would we be here again? Would I be a Hannah? Would I still want to call my children Gregory if I had them without my consent, because i honestly would rather adopt than have children, for the good of the world? That would be horrible, if it would all happen again! We would make all the same mistakes and all the on the other hand, the possibility of being with the same friends, the same family, the same bad habbits, the same toenails, the same cheaters, the same rapists, the same music, the same words, the same languages, the same LITTLE THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER? so this could be our fifth, sixth, or infinite round, yeah more like infinite.

How do people listen?

Who really isn't?

I HATE PEOPLE WHO DO THIS! Whenever they're wrong, and you're right they allude to you being a smart ass or to you not knowing something else. May I say, at least 79% of the time someone else knows more than I do. So just give me ONE moment of validity. Knowing that someone's always better than you, is pretty much my insecurity and reason for me to do anything; aka, for me to be in NAHS, or at least try to be in NFHS. So, I guess I don't do anything unless I want to feel better. So that's it. I'm selfish. I'm very very self-centered. but who isn't?

Smiles

I love the "I'm a star" pose!

Only in the City can...

house:

distinguish:

reflect: inspire

ignore:

acknowledge:

Voyager

Nature vs. Man